Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Perfect Pet: A Cautionary Tale, Part 5 of 10

"While a dog’s breed contributes to his temperament, breed alone cannot be used to predict whether a puppy will grow up to be a danger to his community." --The Puppy Whisperer, pg 25

Syrena and Jimmer

The next morning I woke with a headache. I haven’t had a headache for two years. I looked in the mirror and I had a bunch of zits. I haven’t had zits for 15 years. My throat was sore, my eyes were red and my scalp itched. I felt awful all morning.
Later I tethered Jimmer on the back porch so I could clean his den. Inside I found one of my daughter's magnetic dolls that she plays with on the fridge. I sighed. Naomi will be so disappointed. It had once been the doll that had dark brown hair, and now it was decapitated. I was about to throw it in the garbage when suddenly I stopped. Wait a minute, I thought.
I have dark brown hair. There are three other dolls on the fridge, one with red, one blond and one black hair. Why did he decide to chew off the head of the brown-haired doll? I went back to Jimmer’s crate to retrieve the head. I took it to the bathroom and held it up to the mirror. I looked at my face, then at the doll’s face. A chill went down my spine. The teeth marks in the dolls face were exactly in the same places as the zits on my face.
Jimmer knew voodoo!
As you can imagine, this was a little unnerving. I worried all day about what to do. And all this time I still had to feed Jimmer and take him out to the bathroom. I did my best to not speak to him or make eye contact just in case he decided to put a hex on me.
Finally I talked reason to myself. This is silly. Dogs can't do stuff like that. My imagination is running away with me.
The next day I saw an article about a man who is trying to convince people of the benefits of dog meat. It is in the Wall Street Journal if you want to read it, and here is the link.
In the article the author included a recipe:
Stewed Dog, Wedding Style

First, kill a medium-sized dog, then burn off the fur over a hot fire. Carefully remove the skin while still warm and set aside for later (may be used in other recipes). Cut meat into 1" cubes. Marinate meat in mixture of vinegar, peppercorn, salt, and garlic for 2 hours. Fry meat in oil using a large wok over an open fire, then add onions and chopped pineapple and sauté until tender. Pour in tomato sauce and boiling water, add green pepper, bay leaf, and Tabasco. Cover and simmer over warm coals until meat is tender. Blend in purée of dog's liver and cook for additional 5–7 minutes.

I cut the recipe out and taped it above Jimmer's food bowl.

P.S. If you try it, let me know how it tastes. Click here for Part 6


  1. Chelsea you are cracking me up! But eating a dog is taking this a little too far...

  2. I think soy sauce would be a good addition to your recipe....

    Love, your fav sis :)

    (just check'n to see if your other fav sisters are reading this blog...)

  3. Sounds like someone has dog allergies...why don't you use that excuse with Scott. He has got to sympathize with that one. Its worked for Cam for the past 12 years....maybe I should thank him for being allergic and saving me all the grief.

  4. How is Jimmer still a part of the family? Voodoo or not, he has some magical powers and a humorous owner.

  5. Hahahaha, this is great! But, now I'm concerned that my dog is defective. He's supposed to keep our property clear of deer and unwanted wildlife, but sometimes they get past him. Maybe he could take voodoo lessons from Jimmer to give him that extra edge?

  6. You haven't had a zit in 15 years? Totally not fair.